Grief

Hey there! 

So this will be my final blog (except for the next one which is specifically for my squad!). This one, however, is from what I’ve learned in the last two and a half months since being home. Believe it or not, America is the most challenging country I have been to. 

Since being home, I have struggled with the American culture and the way we tend to perceive things. As Americans, we are so focused on staying busy that we forget that the most amazing encounters happen when we take life slowly. It’s like taking a scenic route instead of the highway. We also tend to take the little things for granted. I know it can be extremely hard to not, especially when a lot of things are so easy to have here. Yet, I also know how easy it is to be grateful and joyful about the little things in life.

A huge struggle I have faced since being home has been, missing my squad. There’s nothing wrong with missing them, but I know I can’t relive the race and I won’t ever have an experience just like that one again. My squad is also my family. They were with me through it all, the change, the hunger, the sickness, everything! They stood by my side when I missed my old life and desperately wanted to be home. They challenged me in every imaginable way. They loved me even when I was grumpy, or sick. They were always there and we will always have one another’s backs. 

We recently had a reunion in Gainesville. What was supposed to be a time of joy and getting our bearings together, turned into what we would never have imagined. One of my squadmates, Colin, got in a serious motorcycle accident. He didn’t make it out alive. In his time with us, he challenged every single person to be better. He made sure he left behind a legacy of nothing but love and pure passion for everything involving the Lord. 

When we were in Jaco, Costa Rica, Colin shared a verse with me but it has become even more perfect for the situation. He shared Acts 1:8 “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” It’s the verses that follow that really have helped me. Acts 1:9-11 “And when he had said these things, as they were looking on, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight. And while they were gazing into heaven as he went, behold, two men stood by them in white robes, and said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven?…” No, I’m not saying Colin is Jesus, but while we were mourning him I remembered this verse. The men were looking to heaven and standing in place. They couldn’t do anything for the Lord while they were focused on the fact that Jesus was gone. It’s when the angels called the men to stop looking up, that they were able to share what happened. That’s when they were able to go to the upper room and pray together until the Holy Spirit came. Then they were able to share the gospel. That’s exactly what we had to do as well. In order to share the gospel that we all so loved, we had to be able to let the Lord work in us fully, to help us mourn our brother. Then we could go out into the world and share what Jesus can do. While no, Colin wasn’t miraculously healed and able to live on, he was able to go do the one thing he so desperately wanted to do. He got to go meet with the Father face to face. He now gets to worship in the throne room. 

When he walked with us, he held my squad together, and now that he’s gone the glue that he was placing has solidified. In the moments after we heard the news, we got to be there for one another. We held each other tight and got to joke about the fact that Colin would be telling us to stop crying and start partying. My squad is so close and we all check in with one another almost daily. Now we get to rejoice in the fact that we will get to worship with Colin again. It’s just even better now that it’ll be in front of the Lord. Maybe even including our famous chant of “WHO ARE WE, GAP I,” when we all finally get there.