Learning Trust

So I have been trying to figure out for the past couple of months what to post. In all honesty, I did write ideas and was prepared to post them, but it didn’t feel right. Like it wasn’t exactly what the Lord wanted me to say. So I am not putting in a single thought on this and just writing whatever the Lord speaks to me. Here we go.

During these past couple of months (or really my entire life) I’ve been working on trust. I am not a person who willingly trusts people. It takes time and a lot of steps forward and backward. I can’t say the list of people I trust is a whole lot, mainly just a handful of people. The Lord has taught me many lessons, some hurt and some seemed easy. My main problem was learning to trust the Lord with the people He puts in my life and takes out. 

I am the type of person to hold onto people (after trusting them) like crazy. If someone finally gets my trust, I just feel like it’s ridiculous to no longer have them close. The problem is you don’t always “know” the people you trust. Some people can truly just make you feel like your breath was taken out of you. However, I still hold onto the people that do that! Those people who knock the wind out of you and you struggle to get it back. I still hold on and pray that they’ll change. The problem is, that isn’t always the Lord’s plan. Sometimes you or the other person really need that relationship to end for you or them to learn. 

When I was dating my boyfriend (rapist) I finally worked up the courage to leave him. I was prepared to deal with his anger and even made sure to do it when I was safe, far away from him, and with one of my friends. After I did, I started getting threats that people were going to destroy my precious car and home. For ending a TOXIC relationship. I was also asked heinous questions about when I was with him. YET I still found myself protecting him because I still didn’t want to let go of him. I didn’t want him hurt, I just wanted everything to be okay. However, in order for things to change and be okay, you sometimes need to take large steps away.

When I think back to those days the verse that always comes to mind is 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed, perplexed, but not driven to despair: persecuted, but not destroyed.” During those days I felt like I was beaten in five million ways, yet I was still breathing. I still managed to keep walking and the only explanation as to how was because God was with me. I trusted Him and allowed Him to guide me. I needed to learn to trust God in order to walk away. I just never realized I was trusting him until three years later when I fully gave everything (even that precious car 😉 ). 

However, recently I have been working on trusting the Lord with World Race. I have been worrying over every small detail about it. I was literally crying over the fact that I had to raise $16,000, like that’s completely insane, if I could get that money then I would of bought my dream car when I was 14 (I did lol). So the Lord said “if you want proof, sell your car. Ill show you.” My car was my PRIDE and JOY, I literally worked since I was 13 for my dream car. When I was 17 I finally earned enough to buy it. I bragged up and down about this car and I’m supposed to just sell it?!?! He even gave me a ridiculous price that I could never sell it for (it was a thousand more than I bought it for). However, I trusted him, because Africa meant so much to me, and I sold it (FOR THE EXACT PRICE HE TOLD ME). After that I learned trusting in the first place is a LOT easier than to push and push. Now I am only $1300 away from being fully funded, thanks to the AMAZING people who believe and trust in the Lord!

Anyways this was longer than I expected but I hope you enjoy my food for thought and have a darn good day!