Hey there!
I know, I know, Kaili didn’t you already post about boot camp??? Yes, I did and I’m aware I probably should have waited to post that until after I actually processed camp, but here we are. Plus I just got to write the notes from camp, because I forgot my journal at home (Thanks Harley for those notes 🙂 ).
Listen, camp absolutely SPOILED me. Being surrounded by fellow Christians, epic worship, and amazing food. It was amazing! The only issue was that just about every person there was being under attack. I didn’t realize that until after reading everyone’s blogs (which I highly suggest yall go check them all out!) The majority of camp for me involved a LOT of anxiety, which I don’t typically get anxious. It was a lot of new things and I didn’t know any of these people really, aside from a few conversations online. Thankfully I had gotten to know some of the squad and got to help put up their tents (fun fact: I had NO IDEA how to do that).
After day two I just wanted to go home, I missed my family and my bed. I started doubting if I was even supposed to be going on this trip (which was ridiculous because I’m fully funded, so I knew I was supposed to be here). It was day 3 that the Lord decided to overflow my senses with his love. The people around me started to really pull through with those deep conversations that I love! The morning worship had me crying my eyes out because I knew this is where I was supposed to be. I started to grow comfortable with the fact that this is my new life. I thought that morning worship was amazing until the night worship happened. Let me tell you, there isn’t much better worship than when the Holy Spirit has everyone on the floor in tears. This was the worship that they had the leaders, elders, alumni, and anyone that wanted to, pray over everyone individually.
I sat there hugging my legs asking God to help me unbottle my emotions, to help me learn to let go of bitterness (If you haven’t read my testimony, I also highly suggest reading that, It’s the “How Did I Get Here ” blog 😉 ). The second I asked him for help, I felt a hand on my back. I could feel the girl start crying because she felt that brokenness that I was repressing. Mind you I haven’t talked to this girl much, all I knew was she was on my squad. When I felt her crying I couldn’t bottle up those emotions anymore, and I started crying as well. As we were praying she started singing the bridge of a song and I could feel the Lord working. The lyrics were changed so it sounded like God was saying it. The lyrics were “This is where you’re meant to be. It’s me and you and you and me. And you don’t have to prove a thing. I’ve already approved of you.” So as you can imagine I started crying even more. After I finally let go of the pain and hurt, she leaned over and said “You get to smile”. Which not many people know this but that is something I struggled with, was allowing myself to smile, because I didn’t think I deserved to smile. That one simple sentence had so much meaning and importance to me. I’m not going to say who she was because the Lord knows and that’s all who needs to know, but I do respect her and appreciate the Lord using her.
I also learned the importance of being a friendly face. Some people on the squad didn’t act like my friendliness was something they came across often. Which to those people I am very sorry. I will continue to be that face because it is so very needed. One girl was sick and didn’t look like she was doing good, but she acted surprised that I cared so much. She even said I was a good friend, which shocked me because I just thought this was a normal way to treat a person. If someone is sick do you just walk away? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I felt sorry for her and it gave me a new perspective to not allow my situation to affect others.
Well, that pretty much sums all that I’ve gotten to fully process. If you made it to the end of this I’m really impressed. This was definitely a LONG one. So thank you for pulling through! Appreciate you all!
~Kaili Farnsworth
Also if anyone wants to donate to a racer, I would highly suggest anyone in my squad, but if you want a more personal reference then you can message me and I’ll try matching an awesome racer with you!
Kaili, I loved what you said at the very beginning about how we were all being attacked. That is so very true. But the most beautiful part of it was we pulled closer to God in that very same breath of being attacked. God is gonna shake things up with this team and I am so glad to experience this with you. Praying for you??
I appreciate you! Really glad we’re in this together!!!
Girl! I love that even under attack and throught the doubt God helped you come through. I am so excited for this journey you are about to be on! I can already see a change in you from bookcase. You are an amazing, kind, friendly, and supportive person. You are loved and adored!
God knows you so intricately and so personally, Kaili. He knew exactly what you needed in that moment. Thanks for sharing 🙂 I’m thankful for your smile and your place on our squad!
Jesus has you where He wants you and you are precious in His heart.
The smile in your picture looks beautiful!
Meet you in a month!